Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
