it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
