I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
