You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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