tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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