I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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