I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
