so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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