So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
