Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
