Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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