My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
