I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
