Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
