you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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