what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
