get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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