Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
