The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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