i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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