That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
