youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
3pm strippers are depressing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
