some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
