im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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