So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
