apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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