I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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