btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
PANTIES FOUND
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