it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
