One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
