yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
