I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The power of my boobs compel you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
