giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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