I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
