I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
