Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
