that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
