Don't you send me to vm
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
