Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
