I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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