The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
