just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
