I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
