The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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