Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
