i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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