I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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