I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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