No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
