yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
