oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
