google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
