Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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