i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
