Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
