He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
