He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
