yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
